The Vegan Experiment - Day Four and Day Five

Woohoo!  Past the halfway point, and I'll have to say, this has been a very fun challenge.  Day four (I'm sorry to say) was just a regular day.  No struggle with my coffee or my family.  No tricky casein hiding in my food.  Just...a day!

I am sorry if you were looking forward to today's coffee story.  I did not have a coffee struggle, but I DID have a coffee breakthrough.  I got a vanilla soy latte from Starbucks.  I'm not the world's biggest fan of soy milk, but it was fantastic.  For what it's worth, Starbucks also has an allergy and vegan friendly interactive menu on their website.  I got a toasted multi-grain bagel to go with my latte and peanut butter.  With a morning like that, who could have a bad day?  (I'm hoping my blog is discovered by Sbux and they give me a lifetime of lattes for all of my free plugs!) 

Thanks, again, Starbucks!

My boss was nice enough to tell me that he would be cheering me on while he ate his 22 oz bone-in ribeye.  His sensitivity knows no bounds.  I guess the guilt got to him, though, because he was emailing me from his dinner asking about vegan scotch options.  It turns out that alcohol, which I thought was EASILY the second most vegan thing in the universe is something to watch out for.  Why?  The clarification process often uses animal by-products, so not only is the clarified product not vegan, so is the barrel that it was stored in.  I'm not interested in eating the barrel, but storing future alcohol in that same barrel taints the new batch of alcohol right off the bat.  Soooooo many rules!  

I'm really liking this lifestyle change.  I had a great realization yesterday compliments of my vendor.  He commented on my mood, and that got me thinking (more) about my whole experience.  These past four days have been the most guilt-free eating days I can remember since I was maybe a teenager.  Not a day has gone by that I thought, "Ugh.  I shouldn't have eaten that."  

I also think that there is something to be said about a vegetarian diet and cravings.  I have not craved my usual junk food.  It's very exciting when Eating to Live replaces Living to Eat.  No joke.  I caught a whiff of some cookies at a meeting, and I was confused by my own reaction. I thought, "Why don't I want one?  Come on, Body!  Want a cookie so I can tell you NO!"  I'd be interested in the feedback on that from a psychologist specializing in food addictions.  Not the lack of a craving, but my brain's wanting a craving so I could reject it.  Weird.

I left that cooking singing "I Want You to Want Me" to someone else!

Four days in, and even Jay has decided to support me.  He made some popcorn, and then he asked me if I wanted some before he poured butter on it.  So nice of him.  Shhhh.  Don't tell anyone. 

The Vegan Experiment - Day Trois

Day three!  I'm almost half-way through the week, so I felt the need to use bad French...you know, that kind-of foreign-word-dropping entitlement that comes when you're eating like 1% of your fellow Americans.  



Not because I'm rich, but because I'm vegan. 
 I might be the other 1%, too, but I'm not sure.

I'm happy to report, I think I finally hit my stride!  Of course, my coffee woes only got worse before they got better, but I'm less stressed about making vegan choices.  This is probably a good time to differentiate between being a true vegan and eating a vegan diet (or vegetarian diet, but if you use "vegan", people don't ask, "So, do you still eat cheese?" over and over and over again).  So far, I'm just eating a vegan diet.  I haven't ridded my closet or the rest of my home of it's leather or other animal things.  I'm cooking two meals - one for me and one for my unsupportive family - and I'm littering so people don't think I've gone completely off the deep end.  Not really.  I'm not littering. 

I'll spare you all my menu today, but I do want to leave you with these four take-aways:

1. I dislike HIDDEN animal by-products - The Coffee Conundrum.

I am trying to like blech! coffee.  I really am.  Buuuuut, it is not working for me, so I looked for anything I could find at the office coffee bar.  Non-dairy creamer?  Sounds legit, right?  The ingredients weren't listed, but non-dairy is non-dairy.  WRONG!  It has milk in it.  CASEIN.  International Foods is a lying, cheating, whore. They tricked me.  I felt awful and alone.  Alone in my coffee terribleness.  But I got on with my day because...

2. Alicia Silverstone can always make a person feel better about him or herself.

I was googling "vegan accidentally had milk", and who should appear?  Alicia Silverstone.  The forum for The Kind Life popped up, and there were all sorts of soothing words for me to read.  The Kind Life has The Kind Diet and other neat resources.  The coolest part??  Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING I read on that site...well, I could hear it in Alicia's voice in my head. It's like she was right here encouraging me along. 

Before you think I may have eaten some bad mushrooms, I have to tell you that I've had a thing for her since Clueless.

3. Dinner CAN be easy.

I got a craving and a gift from Heaven at the same time.  I was in the mood for some guacamole - pronto!, and I immediately thought of Chipotle for dinner.  I went to their website (because I had a little time to research the menu), and they have a section that says, "If you are vegan, you want to avoid..." and it listed their menu items that I shouldn't eat...which was barely anything!  Thanks, Chipotle!

4. Much of my family lives in a teeny, tiny box (like veal). 

Oh the comments I've been getting!  The refusals to try my recipes!  The warnings if I choose to "Stay this way".  The half-assed support, "I support you, but don't try to feed me any of your vegan food."  Okay.  If you don't want any of my chips and salsa or mixed fruit(franken-food, I know!) then that's fine with me.  More for me.

Come on, family!  I support your omnivorous ways.  Not because I have to, but because I love you!  Support me, too! 

Until tomorrow!

The Vegan Experiment - Day Two

Oh this freaking coffee!!!  How can my one-cup-per-day habit be causing me this much grief?!  I tried almond milk in my coffee on Day Two.  It didn't look yummy, but it actually cut the bitterness of the coffee...which I'm discovering is all I really "need".  It would do...but then I drove off without it.  Damnation.

My coffee-less morning led to a headachy afternoon.  I even had decaf iced tea at lunch (like a dummy).  Other than sodas (which I almost never ever ever drink) I don't know how else to get caffeine.  Once I got home, I realized I have decaf tea bags.  I guess I'll give up caffeine next?  Based on my actions and shopping patterns, I must subconsciously want to?  Ludicrous.


No coffee?  You trippin'!

I had the opportunity to browse some vegan websites and food lists...The food lists made my life easier-ish.  The "familiar" foods on the vegan list are either a) things I really shouldn't be eating: Lay's Potato Chips, Smucker's Marshmallow Icecream Topping, Single Serve Apple Pies, Famous Amos Sandwich Cookies or b) things that require cheese, eggs or milk to help make them an actual food: El Paso Enchilada Sauce, Hunt's Manwich Sauce, McCormick Bag'n Season Italian Herb Chicken (wtf, peta.org??).  Here is the complete list if you are interested: http://www.peta.org/living/vegetarian-living/accidentally-vegan.aspx

My research also lead me to a most-unsavory element of veganism: Hidden animal by-products.  I mean, WHO looks up all of the ingredients they read?  Casein is a milk protein derivative.  Char or gelatine is an ingredient derived from animal bone (Gummy Bears/Worms/etc are NOT vegan).  Boo.

Here's how my Day Two looked on the plate:

Breakfast:

Coffee - Oh, wait, no...my dumbass forgot it on the table.
Wheat toast with peanut butter
What I said "no" to: Duh.  My coffee.

Lunch:

Farmer's Market Salad (hold the cheese) with Italian dressing
Pita bread - it was gross. 
Fruit I stole from my kids' lunches. 

What I said "no" to: Everything else at Sandy McGee's

Snack:

Skinny Pop Popcorn (Try it, You'll like it)

Triscuits
Hummus (because it's yummus)

Dinner:

Lime Sweet Potato, black beans, and kale

What I said "no" to: Chicken wild rice soup

Two Days.  No chicken - Still alive and kickin! 

(Hahahahahaha...I'm going to laugh myself right out of this blog post on that one!) 

The Vegan Experiment - Day One

An Earth Day conversation with my boss took a turn for the unusual, and he challenged me to a week of not eating any foods derived from animals.  Zip.  Zilch.  Since I don't turn down most challenges that aren't illegal, I'll be spending my week eating plant-based food. He thinks I won't make it two days. 

And before you ask, yes, friends, this is all you are going to hear about until next Friday.

Here is a recap of Day One...

Which Hummus?? AHHHHHHH!

Right out of the gate I was attacked by the want for cream in my coffee.  With no coconut milk in sight, I had to make a judgment call.  Black coffee isn't the worst, but it's not ideal either.  In the end, my need for caffeine won.  It probably won't be the worst thing I try all week. 

I drove to Whole Foods to get some provisions, and I successfully completed Day One. 

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast:

Blech! Coffee
French bread, toasted
Red plum jam

What I said "no" to: Butter,  cream, egg

Lunch:

Zucchini Grillini (no cheese, on French bread)
Fruit
Corn chips and salsa

What I said "no" to: Jason's Deli soft serve (wtf?), cheese, 9-grain artisan bread, rum sauce

Snack:

Apple slices
Peanut butter

Dinner:

Lime Sweet Potato, black beans, and kale
What I said "no" to: Chicken wild rice soup

All that sacrificin'..and I didn't die.  :)  I sure wish I had some figs to reward me.   

Novel Openers

I started several novels in my head today.  Several of blog posts, too.  If only I could get past that first sentence or two.  Which of these openers would most entice you to read my novel?  Six choices.  Ready?  Go.

1.  I sat bored to death in the jury waiting room wondering if I would be selected for the murder trial of the century.  Then the documentary I just watched about John Wayne Gacy creeped into my mind, and I decided that the office was a less awful place.  Where is my "I Love George Bush & My AR!" t-shirt when I need it?

2.  No one admits, "I sat there rolling a freshly picked booger between my thumb and forefinger wondering what to do this Friday night," and, yet, that is what I found myself doing.  Oddly, it feels less robotic than the 100 other things I've done this week.

3.  My drive from the funeral home was a quiet one.  When I pulled into my driveway, I grabbed the box that held my little sister's ashes and wondered how her whole life fit into that small box. 

4.  Pushing an empty cart through Whole Foods was relaxing...so much so, I caught myself crop-dusting the all natural cleaning products aisle.  How, exactly, did I end up in a place where grocery browsing by myself was?

5. I stood outside letting the wind whip at my face.  I secretly wished it would knock me to the ground and give me some perspective on life and love and such.  These days, it seems, I refuse to let myself look at the sky because I just want to feel like my problems are a big deal.  If I look up, I'll be reminded that they aren't. 

6.  I felt my inner psycho fighting her way out today.  I was able to put her back in her cage, but I was left wondering if all women have that psycho inside.  I think, no, I hope the answer is "yes." 

Please don't wonder which of these actually happened...or, if you do, imagine me thinner than I actually am. And don't steal these AH-mazing story starters.  They're for real going to get me that $240,000 payday our payroll person dreamed I got.  

Cutting

Before you get overly concerned, this is not me confessing a need to self-injure.  Go back to a time when cutting meant someone got in front of someone else in line WITHOUT permission or at least offering a cut-for-a-cut.  You're there?  Like 15+ years back, right?  Okay.  Moving on.

Cutting is so SHAMEFUL.  Don't do it.  Here's why:

1. It's rude.
2. It's rude.
3. It's freaking rude.
4. Patience is a virtue, and cutting is rude.

Yep, that's Confucius

I tried to look up some statistics on the harm cutting in line has on society, but all I got was link after link about "self-injury" with a sprinkling of "cutting the national debt".

I did, however, find out that Asians are the worst offenders because they are highly competitive and do not like being one-upped.  That's my Reader's Digest version of this blog post. Really, Asians?  Is it that, or is it the fact that there are so many people in your country that a single-file line is actually impossible? 

My issues with cutting in line go waaaaaaaaaay back to the first grade.  My class was in the library picking out books, and I was ready to check out my book for the week.  I lined up at the librarian's desk ready to go.  (I PROBABLY got distracted, but that tidbit doesn't really help the hilarious factor of my story, so forget I mentioned it.)  When I looked up to see if I was next, and I was SURE I was next, a friend had reformed a new line ONE FOOT AWAY, made a "na-na-na-na-na" face, and I told me I had to go to the back of the line.  So I went to the back of the line...

BUT NOT BEFORE I BIT HER.

I got sent to the Vice Principal's office.  Apparently biting is a worse offence than cutting in line and making a na-na-na-na-na face, but not so awful that the Principal needs to get involved.  Anyway, no one would belive that I was the victim in this story.  Let's face it...ages 6-10 were my "ugly years", and this girl was way more adorable.  And probably nicer.  And she's probably still more adorable and nicer today.  No, really, she is. 

Kids cut in line, they bite, they name call, but it's amazing to me today how many ADULTS cut in line.  One stranger has had the privilege of cutting in front of me two years in a row.  That's the back of her head.  Because she cut in front of me. 

Here's a person who cut in front of me at the Texans game:

He's in there somewhere.  Jay made me delete my real picture of the back of his head. 

Finally, as if total strangers cutting in line isn't bad enough, a co-worker recently cut in front of me.  Since I couldn't take or post her picture, it happend like this:

REALLY, COWORKER?  Shameful. 

In conclusion, please don't cut in line.  It's rude.  And shameful.  Unless you're Asian, but not Japanese, then it's just part of your competitive nature. 

There is a 100% chance that I'll mention all of this to my therapist in a few weeks, but for now, this should get it off my mind.  Thanks, readers! 

My Crunchy Side

Thanks, readers, for that great vacation.  I needed it after a week straight of blogging.  Who knew it could be so tiresome?!  I had some great one-liners to post, but I figured you'd all get angry if you went to a cleverly titled post and just saw a picture and two sentences.  I'll keep notes so I can make one super-post of random things. 

Today, though, I've been inspired to introduce the world to my crunchy side.  Here's why: 

• People used to see me smoking and say, "You don't look like a smoker" in the same way the look at me today, and think/say, "She doesn't look like a recycler."  So I just need to get it out there.  Full disclosure. 
• There are other people like me...Let's call us in-the-closet-crunchies, or ITCC's for short...who WANT to shout it from the mountain top and who long to make a difference but don't for fear of being judged by our non-crunchy (or so we THINK) peers.
• I long to make a difference.
• I need to know who else is out there to name-drop in arguements with my husband.  Yes, we argue about recycling, cleaning products, composting, wearing all cotton, and stuff like that.  I know you wish you could live my life, but you can't, so don't ask. 

Without further ado, my crunchiness in pictures... 



My composter.  I'd totally get a tumbling composter if I had it to do all over again.  But, hey, it works!  Why should we compost?  Here are a few reasons that benefit your home and garden.  Also, landfills are filling up, and no one wants to live on garbage.  Of course, I've considered the whole Zombie Apocalypse, and what if people turn to landfills to find things to eat and water to drink?  And then I thought, That's rediculous...except for the water part...

My new Starbucks cup.  It's awesome, you save $.10 per cup of coffee, and they steam clean it each visit.  10 cups of coffee, and it's paid for itself.  But can you put a price on not putting another paper Starbucks cup and plastic lid in a landfill?  I can't!  Now if only I can find a time and place to drink my expensive coffee in my reusable cup while I knit or crochet in peace and freaking quiet...that would be a dream come true. Dream big people.  Dream big.  Speaking of knitting, I knit.  That's trendy-crunchy.  Who knew crunchy had categories?  This girl. 

Under my desk at work - My empty trashcan and my almost full recycle box.  It's catching on.  I have found a few other rogue recyclers at work.  Yea! 

Since we have so many rogue recyclers, I've formed a two-person committee to make the company greener.  Here is a gumball representation of how many times I've emailed office services about getting real recycle bins.  I'm happy to report we'll get them in the next couple of weeks.  Persistence pays off!

And the picture I know many of you have been waiting to see.  My deodorant stone.  It works!  "How do you know?  You can't smell yourself," you ask?  Well.  I'm happy to report that I've had a few friend test subjects confirm that I have no B.O. The test was never in a controlled environment, and usually wine was involved.  Oh well.  Here's how to use it.  That's not my video.  Can you believe the stuff you can find on YouTube?  Holy crap! And if you aren't crunchy, don't care if you get breast cancer and love throwing your plastic deodorant container in the trash, here's another reason to use it:  It costs $6-8 and lasts for 6 months to a year.  Hellooooo money savings! 

My beautiful reusable shopping bag.  Get them at Sam's, and you can get your whole week of shopping in two bags...for realz.  Raise your hand if you've wondered what's going to happen to all of the reusable shopping bags of the world one day?  *hand raised*  Thanks, Google, for leaving no question unaswered, kinda.  

Before I post my last mind-blowing picture evidence of my crunchiness, I'd like to also add that I keep a Netflix subscription just for the documentaries,  put stuff back on the shelf if it's not made in America, use all-natural cleaning products for the house and laundry, am a member of a organic produce co-op, and I am obsessed with homeopathic remedies - I recently treated my daughters infected, ingrown toenail with Epsom salt and tea tree oil.  Can you hear the crunch?  I thought so.  And you thought you knew me...

I've purposefully left out the parts about driving an SUV and eating fast food.  It's not because I want to, though. teehee.

And finally, for those of you who are still doubting my crunchiness, there's this.  Who can call himself or herself "Crunchy" without having been to an Eddie Vedder concert.  'Nuff said.  

Sure there are crunchier people out there, but I'm working hard to do my part to leave a smaller pile of trash behind...and a healthier bunch of kids and grandkids.  What if by all being more conscientious of the things that cause disease, our generation's legacy is not the fattest or the dumbest or the life spans shorter than our parents, but is the reduction of terminal diseases and a reversal of the destruction of the environment?  HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE????  I want to get behind that!!!  Get out of the "closet" you ITCC's, and influence change!