Anyway, take today for example. We get home, let the dogs outside, and my 7-year-old discovers some lizards doing the boomshakalaka on her little rocking chair. How do I handle it? Much like you'd expect Lilith from "Cheers" to handle it (Frasier's wife, remember her?)
Kid: Look, mom! Lizards on my chair! Uh...what are they doing?
Me: Yes. They're making baby lizards. Leave them be.
Kid: Sister! Come here and see these lizards!
Kid2: Wow! That green lizards is biting the brown lizard. Let's stop him.
Me: No! Let's let them copulate in peace and quiet.
Just when I thought I had made it out alive...
Kid2: What's that mean?
Me: Making baby lizards. Inside. Now.
Kid2: Did you know lizards poop babies? They poop them out of their butts.
Me: Nap time. Let's go.
I sure hope my kids grow up to be normal adults. If they don't, I only have myself to blame.