Hi! I've been a little uninspired and/or inspired-but-afraid-my-post-might-land-me-in-jail for the past two months-ish. I'm back now. Calm down.
You may be wondering what could possible bring me out of hiding. How fantastic could it be. Brace yourself. I had a morning last Thursday (two months ago) that left me so inspired, it only took me 6 days to put my experience into words. And two months to post it!
The Bus Stop
So...my driveway is the bus stop. I spend as much time as possible out there bossing around other people's children when no other adults are around, and yet the children still like me. Take my little neighbor girl: We'll call her Suzy (because I like replacing s's with z's). Seven-year-old Suzy ran to my door and hugged me as soon as she saw me. Sweet. She was excited to tell me about her new puppy:
S: Hi! We got a new puppy!
Me: Oh yes. I saw him. He's cute. He's a pit bull, right?
S: Yes! His name is TITAN! He has a brother at my cousin's named DEISEL!
Me: Oh, he has a brother. That's nice.
S: Well...His name WAS Budweiser, but we changed it to Titan because my cousin's dog was named Bud Light, and he changed it to Deisel. So when he did that, we changed our dog's name from Budweiser to Titan.
Me: I think Titan is a much better name for a dog. I'm glad you chose that name.
S: (Proud as any snaggle-toothed 7-year-old can be) YEP! His full name is Titan Budweiser Scotch.
WHA? WHY? WHO? Our dog's name (Schatzi Annie Cupcake Sprinkles) is ridiculous and long, but it's kid-appropriate, people!!!!
Estaban's Monte Carlo
On this very same day, I picked up my intern to take her to work, and on leaving her drive way, I backed into her neighbor's Antique Monte Carlo (before you get to gasp-y, we're in our mid-thirties, so shit we used to drive around in in high school almost qualifies for antique plates). DOH!! She told me, "His name is Steve, but his REAL name is Esteban Smith." Really? So I got an image in my head of what "Esteban" might look like. And then I met him (to pay him for damages). Here are the before and after pictures (neither are really Esteban, but you get the idea):
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| Esteban in my head |
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| More accurate, but he was smiling because I paid him $300 to fix his fender. |
There is an obvious lesson here. If your baby doesn't look like an Esteban, don't name him Esteban and get all of our hopes up. Oh, and his last name is not Smith I later found out...Added comment bonus: What would you have named this guy?
