Thursday, June 27, 2013

Fat (female) hipsters: Do they exist?

I want to be a hipster.  Bad.  I mean, REALLY bad.  But before I make the conversion to hipster, I need more information.  What is a hipster?  Thanks to, I have (could pick from several) my (two favorite) definitions (created by people like you and me):

"The term "hipster" is cross-applied from the 1930s Beatniks. The modern hipster is a composite of individuals with a certain bohemian life situation and lifestyle..."

Stop.  You had me at "bohemian". 

"Definitions are too mainstream. Hipster's can't be defined because then they'd fit in a category, and thus be too mainstream."

Another definition had something about Pabst Blue Ribbon, so I'm drinking that now, too. 

So, I started thinking about what I would wear/how I would change my wardrobe, and it occurred to me:  I've never seen a fat hipster.  Googling "Fat Hipster" yielded some entertaining and some disturbing results.  One page compares them to unicorns while another refers to them as hippo-sters. 

And, although I'd like to be this unicorn he speaks of, I would probably be more of the hippo-ster and wind up on  You know?

I could, however, take the advice of one commenter and "either join a gym, get on drugs, or drop the cupcakes cuz it's not working with your poor downtown eighties look..." 

Um.  Joining a gym is expensive, and dropping a cupcake is just another mess for me to clean.  Looks like I'm stuck with cocaine.  Does anyone even "do" cocaine anymore?  (I'm pretty old.  In fact, I won't fit the age demo for hipster much longer)


Bohemian - Check
Shops at Goodwill - Check
Rejects mainstream - Check
Pabst Blue Ribbon - Check
Cocaine - Checking
Ironic t-shirt - Googling (Or I was until my SIL told me that Googling is completely mainstream, so I grabbed an encyclopedia instead)

And found this: 

HOW IRONIC IS THAT?!?!  A fat hipster chic (me) wearing a shirt about fat people.  OMG.  Let THAT swim around in your head!

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT when I went to order it (by mail, with a check, of course), I was like, WHAAAAAAAT?  


Ugh.  Gender Biases are so mainstream.  Get with it, people!
Fat female hipsters do NOT exist because they aren't allowed to.  Because ironic t-shirts only come in S, M, and L.  Fat male hipsters, are totally allowed. 

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