"The term "hipster" is cross-applied from the 1930s Beatniks. The modern hipster is a composite of individuals with a certain bohemian life situation and lifestyle..."
Stop. You had me at "bohemian".
"Definitions are too mainstream. Hipster's can't be defined because then they'd fit in a category, and thus be too mainstream."
Another definition had something about Pabst Blue Ribbon, so I'm drinking that now, too.
So, I started thinking about what I would wear/how I would change my wardrobe, and it occurred to me: I've never seen a fat hipster. Googling "Fat Hipster" yielded some entertaining and some disturbing results. One page compares them to unicorns while another refers to them as hippo-sters.
And, although I'd like to be this unicorn he speaks of, I would probably be more of the hippo-ster and wind up on www.peopleofwalmart.com. You know?
I could, however, take the advice of one commenter and "either join a gym, get on drugs, or drop the cupcakes cuz it's not working with your poor downtown eighties look..."
Um. Joining a gym is expensive, and dropping a cupcake is just another mess for me to clean. Looks like I'm stuck with cocaine. Does anyone even "do" cocaine anymore? (I'm pretty old. In fact, I won't fit the age demo for hipster much longer)
Recap:
Bohemian - Check
Shops at Goodwill - Check
Rejects mainstream - Check
Pabst Blue Ribbon - Check
Cocaine - Checking
Ironic t-shirt - Googling (Or I was until my SIL told me that Googling is completely mainstream, so I grabbed an encyclopedia instead)
And found this:
HOW IRONIC IS THAT?!?! A fat hipster chic (me) wearing a shirt about fat people. OMG. Let THAT swim around in your head!
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT when I went to order it (by mail, with a check, of course), I was like, WHAAAAAAAT?
Ugh. Gender Biases are so mainstream. Get with it, people!
Conclusion:
Fat female hipsters do NOT exist because they aren't allowed to. Because ironic t-shirts only come in S, M, and L. Fat male hipsters, are totally allowed.
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