Wednesday, June 5, 2013

How Funny Would THAT Be...?

I completely sympathize with those people whom society deems as "crazy" because, at a glance, I appear to be one of them.  Here's why.  Life is so funny.  Sometimes, it is funny-haha, sometimes it is funny-strange.  These funny life things just just pop into my head.  Mostly unannounced or uninvited, they almost always make me appear to be laughing for no reason or shaking my head at no I look crazy.  It has happened for. ev. er.

*queue dreamy flashback music*

During tests...ALWAYS during tests...when the classroom was silent, a funny fart-thought would pop into my brain.  Like this:

"How funny would THAT be" (my funny things almost always start with that) "if <insert classmate's name here> farted while it's quiet, and then no one giggled because the whole class is trying not to giggle including <insert stodgy English teacher's name here> and by trying NOT to giggle, everyone starts farting...because the giggle-pressure has to escape from SOMEWHERE?" 

And then I answer my funny thought with a stifled giggle which makes me giggle harder and then stifle harder because I'm thinking, "OMGness, I'm going to be that person whose giggle has to escape somewhere, and how am I going to explain the whole story to the class?!?!?  Especially the person who I imagined farting the first place!!" 

And then I'd be sent to the hall or the office until my giggle-machine turned off. 

Fast forward to the present.  I'm 34, y'all, seriously.  Here is my list of funny thoughts that popped into my head today, and these are JUST the ones I can remember!

1. Showing my very modest "high/low" dress to a co-worker, he says OUT LOUD "It's business in the front and party in the back."  Funny thought: "How funny would THAT be if I'm all like, 'Isn't that a sex reference?'"  Just then, another co-worker in on the conversation said, "That's a mullet."  And I thought, "Yeah. A mullet.  DOWN THERE!" *laughing*

2. In the ladies' room, someone was obviously "holding back" until I finish and leave.  Funny thought: "How funny would THAT be if I just say, 'Let 'er rip, tater chip.'  That would be hilarious!  And maybe I'd start a trend of actually pooping in the pooper when other people are around because that's what it's here for!" *laughing in my head*

3. Same ladies' room trip.  Not "holding back" my business (it's a restroom for crying out loud).  Funny thought: "How funny would THAT be if this other person and I finish at the same time, and while washing our hands, she's like, 'Impressive how fast you can do your business!' and I say (all-smug-like), 'Thanks.  It's the benefits of a plant-based diet.'" *laughing laughing laughing*

3. At a business lunch with all men, I order ice cream.  Funny thought: "OMGness!  Those two perfect scoops look like vanilla breasts." 

Actually, I did *kind of* say that in a not so direct way.  Some thoughts just slip out when my filter is on a smoke break. 

4. This blog post...which makes me realize that my funny thoughts have a terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE theme.  I just might have the thoughts of a 12 year old boy.  Eeeeesh! 

Don't judge. 

No comments:

Post a Comment