Thursday, January 3, 2013

Dear Life...

Dear Life,

Why don't you come with a User's Guide?  I know you like to keep things mysterious and interesting and all, but I think most of humanity would benefit from knowing the answers to the following questions: 
  • How long can we keep certain foods in the refrigerator before they go bad?  Ex. picante sauce, vegetable soup and lunchmeat
  • Should we just stop making hotdogs altogether?
  • How are we saved?
  • When/How do you talk to your children about sex and death?
  • How do I know when pork is really done (but not too dry)?
  • What's the best way to raise kids? 
  • Spank or don't spank?
  • What's the best haircut for my face shape?
  • Why don't pets live as long as people?


Dear Jennifer,

Please refer to the Bible and/or Etiquette by Emily Post for all of these answers. Google anything else.

You're welcome,