Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Novel Openers

I started several novels in my head today.  Several of blog posts, too.  If only I could get past that first sentence or two.  Which of these openers would most entice you to read my novel?  Six choices.  Ready?  Go.

1.  I sat bored to death in the jury waiting room wondering if I would be selected for the murder trial of the century.  Then the documentary I just watched about John Wayne Gacy creeped into my mind, and I decided that the office was a less awful place.  Where is my "I Love George Bush & My AR!" t-shirt when I need it?

2.  No one admits, "I sat there rolling a freshly picked booger between my thumb and forefinger wondering what to do this Friday night," and, yet, that is what I found myself doing.  Oddly, it feels less robotic than the 100 other things I've done this week.

3.  My drive from the funeral home was a quiet one.  When I pulled into my driveway, I grabbed the box that held my little sister's ashes and wondered how her whole life fit into that small box. 

4.  Pushing an empty cart through Whole Foods was relaxing...so much so, I caught myself crop-dusting the all natural cleaning products aisle.  How, exactly, did I end up in a place where grocery browsing by myself was?

5. I stood outside letting the wind whip at my face.  I secretly wished it would knock me to the ground and give me some perspective on life and love and such.  These days, it seems, I refuse to let myself look at the sky because I just want to feel like my problems are a big deal.  If I look up, I'll be reminded that they aren't. 

6.  I felt my inner psycho fighting her way out today.  I was able to put her back in her cage, but I was left wondering if all women have that psycho inside.  I think, no, I hope the answer is "yes." 

Please don't wonder which of these actually happened...or, if you do, imagine me thinner than I actually am. And don't steal these AH-mazing story starters.  They're for real going to get me that $240,000 payday our payroll person dreamed I got.